Adam; curious, playful, smart, cute, my four - year old brother. I look at him in this photograph. He’s squatting, his eyes are meticulously studying a miniscule ladybug. The look on his face is a mixture of wonder and amazement. He is one with the world, no worries, no sadness, nothing bothering him, just him and the ladybug. While I look at this picture, I start to think about the day he was born. Clouds filled the February night sky, the rain pounded the pavement. Adam was swaddled in a hospital-issued blanket, his head shielded by the matching beanie. I remember holding him for the first time, his gentle body protected by my arms. He looked up at me with innocent eyes, our eyes making an everlasting connection. He had the same curious expression as the one in the ladybug picture. I remember the first time he said my name, his beautiful voice filling my ears with joy.
Would Adam understand that he didn’t get to see me everyday? Would he understand that I would be shared between my two separate families? Would he get confused when I said mom, and I wasn’t talking about his mom? Would he understand the concept of divorce, considering that he wasn’t a divorce victim? I remember feeling envious of him. Why did he have the perfect parents that actually stayed together? Why did I have to have the divorced parents? Would Adam understand that I’m only his half sister? Would I have the courage to tell him this?
I remember Adam’s first birthday. I remember thinking I cant believe he’s already one. He already achieved so much in his first year. I remember his first smile, toothless, and from ear to ear. His first laugh sounded like the twinkling of bells. His first wobbly steps on Christmas morning. Then Adam turned two, he was so interested in Cars, that we threw him a cars birthday party. I remember the excitement that spread across his face every time he opened a present. By his third year, he was still fascinated with cars. But, his interests were still growing. By his fourth birthday, Adam became intrigued with fireman. He called himself a fireman. I remember the first time he said fireman, it came out as “Wee-oo fire man.”
I remember the tears that streamed down my face on his first day of preschool. I couldn’t believe he was already starting school. The time seemed to fly by. I remember watching The Lion King with Adam. He was snuggled up to me. I was happy to share this movie from my childhood with him. I look at this picture and a wave of pride washes over me. Adam’s not a little boy anymore. He’s growing up everyday. He’s always going to be curious and want to learn new things. I will always be there for him. When life gets tough, he knows that I will comfort him. To me, he will always be that curious little boy. I love you Adam.
First of all, this is such a sweet piece. The reader really senses the connection you have with your brother. You chose really sentimental memories to narrate, which adds to the tone you are trying to convey. I also liked your final line- "I love you, Adam."
ReplyDeleteTo make your writing stronger, you could cut out a few of the unnecessary adjectives, especially in the first paragraph, such as "meticulously" and "miniscule."
Abby girl!! I miss'd'chu yesterday.
ReplyDeleteThe first paragraph is so cute. Good description of your brother right off the back. I loooove how you connected his expressions in the first paragraph from examining the ladybug to examining the world he's just come into. But on another point, in the same paragraph "one with the world" is a cliche. You could actually do without it, the rest of the description you give for his feeling is sufficient.
The second paragraph made me tear up a little. It was powerful because it was so comprised of questions. It doesn't just state "I wondered whether he would understand the concept of divorce." By posing questions you're challenging the reader and bringing them into the emotion of it.
Paragraph three seemed to lack much besides timeline. I like how it's organized by birthdays and his ambitions, but perhaps color it more; more sensory detail. But the "wee-oo fireman" thing was adorable.
Overall this piece is so cute and so touching. And your writing has improved a lot since your first post, which ironically involved your brother. It's sweet how much a part of your life and writing he is.
Good job on writing this piece , lots of details made this writing very good. One thing that you could work on is making sure the reader knows what's going on. Because when you started paragraph 2, i had no idea what was going on cause you jumped topics way to fast without a smooth transition.
ReplyDeletewarm: best writing iv'e read in a while. you show a lottttt and dont tell. amazing description.
ReplyDeletecool: topics can be a little twisty. make sure your organized.