Kathy met Jack when she was seventeen. She was in her junior year, attending Hawthorne High School, Jack already graduated.
“Do you want a ride?” Jack asks Kathy.
“Sure,” says Kathy.
That started the relationship between them. Kathy and Jack fell in love. They did everything together, went out to dinner, and went to the movies, cruised through the town.
“Will you marry me?” Jack asks Kathy, while bending on one knee.
“Yes!” Kathy exclaims embracing Jack in a hug.
The summer after Kathy graduated high school, her and Jack got married. Kathy and Jack were as happy as could be, even though Kathy’s parents didn’t approve. Jack and Kathy were happily married.
“What could be better?” Kathy thought while sitting on her porch.
Kathy received the answer to this question, a baby. Kathy told Jack the news of her pregnancy, and both of them were excited. Nine months later, a beautiful baby girl named Colleen was born. Everything was perfect, until Kathy received the news.
“Honey, I have to go back to the army,” Jack told Kathy, a sad look on his face.
What? How could this be happening? Kathy wondered why this was happening.
“I’ll write to you everyday. Don’t worry sweetie,” Jack told Kathy.
Jack kept his promise and wrote one letter to Kathy everyday. The letters were comforting to Kathy. She knew he was safe, and he knew Kathy and Colleen were safe.
“That’s odd, there should be a letter,” Kathy said as she checked the mailbox one more time. But, no letter came. The next day nothing came, this pattern continued, and Kathy became worried.
“Is he dead?’ Kathy stayed up at night thinking.
Kathy wrote to Jack everyday, but he never replied back.
“Shoot, the car won’t start,” Kathy said.
A man named Vince, a friend of a friend of her and Jack’s replied, “I’ll fix it for you.”
So, keeping his word, Vince came the next day.
“I’ll fix your car, if you make me lunch, you won’t have to pay me,” Vince told Kathy.
“Ok, Let me go to the store,” Kathy replied.
Kathy went to the store, with practically no money and bought a few things. When Kathy returned home, Vince was waiting in her kitchen.
“What are you going to cook?’ Vince asked.
“I told you I had to go to the store,” Kathy replied.
“You have no money. How are you going to feed yourself and your baby?” Vince asked.
Kathy had no response. Vince went to the store, and when he came back he had more groceries then what would fit in the cupboards and fridge. This started the friendship between them. Vince made this a routine to buy her groceries.
Realizing that Jack didn’t care and abandoned her and Colleen, she decided to serve him divorce papers. Something surprising happened after she did.
BANG, BANG, BANG! A loud knock pounded the door. Kathy opened it and received a shock. There, standing in the doorway was Jack.
“What are you-“
“DIVORCE PAPERS?!” Jack yelled.
“You abandoned me and Colleen,” Kathy replied.
So, Jack and Kathy got a divorce. Then, Kathy married Vince. A little while later, Kathy delivered a beautiful baby girl named Jennifer.
TWENTY-THREE YEARS LATER……………
Jennifer, now twenty-three, was married to Marc. Marc and Jennifer had a son named Austin. Jennifer delivered a baby girl named Abagail.
Warm: The play by play of life kept me very interested!
ReplyDeleteCool: There isn't a lot of detail and there is a lot of telling, not showing.
Thanks for sharing. <3
Warm: I love all the dialogue you used. I could really picture how giddy she must have felt. I felt very sad for Kathy when Jack had to go back to the army. I also felt very mad at Jack, but then again it is a good thing otherwise we wouldn't be graced with you!!
ReplyDeleteCold:I felt some parts of thge story you rushed through. Expand more on Vince and Kathy.
Needs some more depth and more to the explainations. It was clear the end was sort of rushed to get finished. Extend, there is always a minimum never a maximum.
ReplyDeleteThis was a pretty cool little story- you create interesting plot line as characters enter and exit the story. I also like how you jump right into the story with your first line.
ReplyDeleteTo improve this piece, you could add some more "showing" descriptions in events such as when your mom first meets Jack.
This paragraph was a little repetitive and could be cut down, "The summer after Kathy graduated high school, her and Jack got married. Kathy and Jack were as happy as could be, even though Kathy’s parents didn’t approve. Jack and Kathy were happily married."
Finally, you could add more to your ending to make it more conclusive.
Nice job. Thanks for sharing! :)
I really liked this story! It was a good flash back of Kathys jacks and Vince's story! The only thing I would look at us giving more detail and showing more!
ReplyDelete