In the summer, my days are filled with lounging by the pool and sipping freshly squeezed lemonade, not a care in the world.
“Honey, you need to get a job,” my dad informs me in an oddly chipper voice, smiling brightly.
“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!” my alarm clock shrieks.
“Time for work, oh joy,” I grumble.
I pull up to Yummy Oh’s Pizza, the place where my days will be spent. A comforting sensation engulfs me. “Hi, I’m Jane,” I announce.
“Hi, I’m Eduardo, your boss.”
I’m instantly thrown into the madness of work. Some people demanded their pizzas. Some people were picky about toppings. It drove me insane. But, I liked working. It made me feel important and responsible. I also like the idea of having my own money, and not having to bother my parents. Working made me feel like I mattered. Working was the best part of summer.
Warm: I liked when you said my dad informs me in an oddly chipper voice, smiling brightly because you didn't just say, he said in a happy voice with a smile
ReplyDeleteCool: One thing I thought you could do was put a date after the 2nd paragraph so we know that you got a job
I liked how you added dialogue in to the story. it made it very readable. If you caould add something you should add how the day ended. thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sophie put the date that you start the job so we know it's a new day, a new transition.
ReplyDeleteAlso, starting the last two sentences with "ing" and the same word, if you're using that word use it three times to follow the repeat rule.